Missed Voice

The following was originally written on September 25, 2009, just a few hours after the grim discovery of the bodies of 4 of my close friends...

Missed Voice

Holy Spirit did I miss your voice, to stop the ones who made this choice?

Hope I was there to lend my ear, could've done so much to stop these tears.

Still I know this world is Yours, didn't think it though would take this course.

When Your glory comes the heartache fades, to sit, to love in your embrace.

Till at last I know You're near, for life in You exists no fear.

And though my flesh can't handle this, Your Spirit holds me with a kiss.

Until the day I understand, I'll be content to hold Your hand.

Lost it All...

Was born into this hope-filled world, though sin would make me fall;
Held onto all the worldly flesh, until I lost it all...

My parents gave me everything, still I couldn't heed His call;
Took all that I could take from them, yet somehow lost it all...

Growing bigger still my heart stayed broke, though my body it grew tall;
Even with my council great, I failed and lost it all...

The day did come, I met my bride, and then my son did crawl;
Though still I took it all for naught, I failed, near lost it all...

No matter what this world did give, no peace from life I'd draw;
So I canceled all my hopes, it seems I've lost it all...

And so this life encumbered me, enslaving me in its jaw;
A cold hard road did I progress, once blessed I lost it all...

Trapped inside these chains that bind, my soul cried out so small;
It seemed so hard to even wake, for sin I lost it all...

Until that day when darkness broke, and devil's grip befall;
He thought that he had captured me too late, I lost it all...

The water and Blood that fell for me, my stony heart dissolved;
Those chains no longer held hold on me, not one I lost them all...

Since that day, He came for me, and became my all in all;
The power of those vises dimmed, each one I've lost them all...

If our hearts ensnared, enchained, and need those shackles to fall;
Give up all your life for Him, be blessed and lose them all!

The Spirit is that still, small voice, inside, it's He who calls;
Let Jesus change your heart to new, your hurts, He takes them all!

"Ruining the Surprise..."

Though this entry will speak and site very Christian ideas, if you're not yet a believer, please don't exit this post thinking it doesn't apply. Trust me, it is for anyone who enjoys the few, true good things, that will ever happen in our lives...

One of the pointless things (and there have been PLENTY), that I have bragged about over the years, is my ability to somehow guess the contents of a Christmas or Birthday gift, before it even having been given to me. Especially from my mom, sometimes even from my wife. Having gotten much older, having a child myself (via the Mrs. of course!), and developing a true sense of selflessness, I have found it the better to play along with the surprise for the sake of those blessing me with the gift. But lately though, I have come to the understanding that I have been shorting myself as well in these "conquests".

Have you ever sat around the tree one Christmas morning, already knowing the contents of the package, opened the festive gift-wrap, put on the universal symbol of surprise (the raised eyebrows), and though you loved the gift immensely, felt slightly cheated because you missed that "moment of surprise"? We, especially as Christians, constantly forsake our trust in God, in looking so hard for Him to reveal every mystery, every plan, and even the "big picture" of what the Lord has in store for us. In doing this we likewise hurt not only God's heart, but really rob ourselves of some of the great gifts and surprises our Master is waiting to to bestow upon us.

Of course there are also all those "unpleasant" surprises in life that seem to pop off at the most inopportune times. I remember running around, late for church, one Sunday: our Jack Russell Hercules left me a wonderful, wet, squishy going away present in my penny loafer. It wasn't the normal disgusting gift most of us receive from our pets and children... It was quite worse. Ahh the little blessings in life, this one in the form of a dead, chewed, soggy, mommy mouse. Now I say mommy mouse because, well, I'm sure you get why. There's always those little things even in the middle of an otherwise perfect day. Ever been driving down a country road, enjoying the beauty of God's creation, and following that moment of sheer contentment, followed it up with the perfect "stretch and yawn"? LOVE those! However I'm referring to bad surprises at this time aren't I? Just yesterday I was driving to my parents' house, while my son and I were immersed in song and worship to God, along came one of those fantastic "stretch and yawns". I reached my arms to the sky, tensed the muscles across my body with a fabulous stretch, and having already begun the yawn sequence to this perfect procedure, breathed in that sweet country air. Just fractions of an instance too late, my throat took in, and my lungs filled with that "unpleasant surprise". All too late to cease the deep breath, about 10 yards in front of me, right in the middle of rural route 108, laid an x-skunk. Nothing can put the brakes on an impromptu automobile worship service quicker than a mouth and chest full of dead rodent.

God is so full of those little "good surprises" though! The Bible is full of them. Some of the biggest and best moments in the Bible are examples of God showing up and truly surprising His people. Can you imagine the "spiritual surprise party" the two Mary's walked into early that Sunday morning?! They went to view the body of their fallen loved one, and were greeted with an earthquake and an angel. They ventured to continue mourning their loss, and instead arrived at the biggest celebration this world has ever known! Jesus could've said, "meet me at the third tree from the grassy hill at 12:15pm. Meet you there, don't be late." But He didn't, He made the biggest surprise he could! Earthquakes, booming voices from the Heavens, bright blazing angels, an immovable stone tossed to the side. And we make a big deal out of hiding behind a couch or in a closet, and jumping out yelling, "SURPRISE!!" My favorite, and what I believe to be one of the most telling examples of Jesus' character in His quest to surprise His people, is the fact that He was watching all this thrilling sequence unfold hidden from them just a short distance away. He laid in wait to see the look of shock, surprise, and delight on the glowing faces of two of His true friends. Wow, what a tale of how He feels towards His people. Jesus at this point was omniscient, all-knowing, and had just returned from death. He could've watched from the throne, but He didn't did He? He had to be right there in the trees, striving to catch of glimpse of the surprised countenances of those He loves.

We see this again, maybe even in a funnier instance later on in the Bible. Remember the disciples fishing in John 21? They were 100 yards out to sea and fishing with no success. Just then a fellow fisherman on shore yelled out to them to toss out their nets again, catching more fish than the nets could contain. It was only after this surprise miracle that they realized this "expert fisherman" was their Lord Himself! In fact, Peter, so blown away by the surprise, jumped off the boat and swam in the embrace Jesus, followed by the rest of His friends. Jesus could've just dropped and appeared on the boat, or flown down from heaven for a quick game of "made you look." But that's not what He did. He takes such delight in the happiness and fulfillment of those He loves that He doesn't always give us ask for, but what we need; He doesn't always let us in on the big picture of this journey through life, because He wants us to enjoy the moment and be surprised; and He NEVER allows us to become so mundane and bored, with the everyday ticks and tocks of our lives, without pulling out all the bells and whistles for our "little surprises."

I had the opportunity this week to be part of something very special. I didn't even go for myself, I went because my work asked me to, because my wife wanted to go, and because I needed to learn some things to pass on to our church volunteers. That's why I was so pleasantly blown away with surprise, when God showed up, and did something just FOR ME. In the midst of over 1000 people, God surely doing things in the hearts of each of them, He sought me out as well, meeting a need I didn't even know I had. As I looked over at Karrie, I then saw a look on her face, a beauty that I had somehow forgotten. In that instant, I fell in love with both God and my wife, all over again. God could've told me, hey, go to this conference, and on day 3, I will show you something. He could've just reminded me of this aspect of my bride right there in my house. But God takes such joy in surprising us in our day to day life. Just like the joy of watching your child open that Christmas gift they have been hounding you for the past 4 months. Or like the husband who studies the face of his wife as she opens those diamond earrings. Or maybe even that red-faced look of expectation, passion, and desire a husband gets when he trudges his way to the bedroom to sleep after a long day, only to be ever so surprised by his wife's waiting for him, in that favorite pair of "naughties". There's something that happens to us in that moment of surprise, where the fear of the unknown meets the excitement of the future, that is unmatched by any other happening in our lives.

The point of this I guess, is to just remind us, not to be so anxious for God to reveal every part to us. Stop spending the countless, sleepless hours, worrying and wondering what the days to come will bring. Having it all figured out is no way to live. Allow and trust God enough to know that like He said in Jeremiah, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans for a hope, and plans for a blessed future!" Stop trying to ruin all of life's surprises, let's not leave things to chance, but leave things in the Hands of our loving God. He takes such pleasure in surprising us.

"While They're Still Here..."

Just, two days ago, on Sunday, the two year-old son of a Damascus family, and nursing colleague of my wife, tragically died of strangulation from the chord of window blinds. Though I personally didn't know this family, this latest local tragedy tops off a 4 year span of death and tragedy involving more people than I can even begin to write on a laptop. One of my wife's co-workers, hearing of the passing of this 2 year-old, and the name of the victim having not been released at that point, was so happy seeing my wife at work yesterday, confirming that it wasn't our child who had died so horribly over the weekend. But this spoke such volumes to me as to how quickly these things happen, and no one is immune to tragedy.

My son and I have developed a nice routine together, and finally, we seemed to have a real grasp on the days happenings, and how things are going to get done. After it taking us nearly 2 full years to figure it out, I guess I was feeling a little feisty, and added just a small change in our day, in the form of an adorable little puppy we named Apphia. Wow, that routine has been completely obliterated, and in between the pee, the chewing, and having to walk her every 2 hours, my amazing son decided to make a mess of his very own. That's when my weariness, and frustration began to peek out of that place where patience has pushed it to, and as I looked up from my pee-scrubbing prone position, upon seeing Brady's new mess, just before the screaming was to begin, my gaze caught the snap shot of my son, knowing of his naughtiness, and just over his right shoulder, in the background of this picture... the chord from our blinds! It wasn't as if he even knew they were there. They were tied up so high, that I can barely reach them, but in that moment, a realization of what's truly important, smacked me down like no pro wrestler could have even dreamed.

Now, I'm not much of a worrier, and I refuse to let any fear but the fear of God rule any arena of my life, but apart from Divine Intervention, this, like all the other local tragedies, could've very well had the name Hilton positioned in its news headline. Don't get me wrong here, I believe wholeheartedly in the protection that the precious Blood of Jesus Christ grants to His believers, but I've yet to find even the strongest of God's servants, whose lives have not been touched by some unexpected tragedy.

I was able to catch some of the Kate Gosselin interview on my Tivo, and this morning heard Jon's new girlfriend being interviewed on MSN.com. What a tragedy! A beautiful, blessed family destroyed by divorce, because people lose track of what's important in this life. I don't pretend to know a lot about the situation, but what I have seen, being a fan of the show, "she was nasty to him, and he bailed!" Seems to be the culmination of all the crap put on one cracker, right? It's just so sad, as it is in every divorce, to watch families destroyed because the husband, the wife, usually both, lose sight completely of what's truly important. God forbid, suppose something happens to one or more of those 8 kids! Those parents will have to live with fact that the final years of health for the children were riddled with fighting, lawsuits, and grudges. I have seen it too many times to count, where families I am close to, are destroyed due to losing their focus on what's most important. I wouldn't have to name these situations for those who know me to determine who I was speaking of, so for their protection I won't.

I will add this, there are 3 powers involved in every marriage who must work in harmony for any marriage to work out: The husband, the wife, and God Himself. God will change hearts, but in the end, all 3 must be willing and obedient to God for the Holy Union work. I watched another marriage destroyed recently for this very reason. But what an example of Christian character it turned out to be! In the midst of abuse, infidelity, and downright rebellion from God to satisfy their own flesh; A wife who's incomparable grace, mercy, humility, and obedience to the Lord, still steadfastly held on to God's promises and her marriage vows, and fought tirelessly to the very end to save her marriage. It's situations like this that sometimes make me wish God did NOT allow us the gift of "free will"!

Even recently, through a major tragedy like this area has never seen, I have been reminded of how important it is to live in peace, love, and forgiveness with those God has charged to us in our friends and families. I spoke with a dear close friend this summer, who has now unexpectedly, gone to be with the Lord. I had started to sense some tension and strain in our relationship, and after many times of prayer, confronted them in love about these things. I had no idea of the things that happened over the years that hurt him. None of it was intentional, none of it was even known to me, and while I could've argued, stood my ground, or even gotten angry myself over these things; the Lord kept what was most important in my sights. I apologized, hugged it out, and even apologized on behalf of others who had hurt him. I told him how huge a part of our church family he was, how much we all appreciated him and his family. He spoke with me how God had been working in him with his relationships with many people. He had an ongoing feud with his in-laws which had made things very hard on his wife and kids. He tearfully announced to me that it was finally on the mend, how great God was for restoring those relationships. I, nor anyone else in his family, friends, relatives or counsel, could foresee the tragedy that would unfold just two-months later. My point is not to lay claim to any good thing I have done, but to only praise God and drive home this point: How would I have felt having not cleared hearts with my friend before his death? How would his in-laws have been tormented by the knowledge that the last days spent with him were still spent in anger?

I have seen young & old, sick & healthy, pass away tragically in the last 4 years. There have been car wrecks, suicides, murders, illness, accidental, and age-related demises. The point here is to recognize the frailty of this human life. The Bible is clear, that tomorrow is promised to no man. If you're fighting with a family member... stop! Holding a grudge over a former friend... kill it! Husband and wife on the brink of divorce... look into each others' eyes, into the round, innocent faces of the children you made together, and regain the trust and understanding that put you together in the first place! Life is way too short, too unpredictable, and too many good things are in store for those who live in harmony, to waste another minute in anger, and strife. We have so many great things to say, so many blessings to be a part of, and so much love to be shared, but, here is the whole point of my ramblings, we can only do it, "While they're still here!" After that, there's no taking back what we've done or said, and no adding on to the good times God had been waiting to bless us with.